Saturday, April 28, 2007

Rising From The Dead...Breaking Out of Isolation's Prison Cell

For the past 7 or so years, I have found myself to in state of oblivion, Purgatory if you will. Seemingly, I have felt stuck, like bugs on fly paper, unable to move from this plane of consciousness to the next. It becomes at times, very to depressing to have lost my 20/20 vision , I had in the mid nineties. Prolifically painting expressionistic creations, it seemed the mind of the universe and my simple mortal mind had a direct link that was never ending. Paintings came out of me, complete in content as well as color blocked in, straight from the mind of God. Daily and sometimes hourly, complete works of art came as visions, without even trying and in one single year I actually ended up with over 100 finished paintings. Looking back I realize that I had actually spoken it with my own words and mouth, into "Being". In the early nineties, tired of being a lowly waitress almost invisible to the people I was serving (unless their food was late or an order wrong) I became dis-enchanted with passing out food for a living, my body on auto-pilot started to feel disconnected to the people who were everywhere around me yet never saw me. Uneducated except for in the food service industry, I felt in my heart that I had more to offer the "human condition" than the mere delivery of hot food on hot plates, on time (This is not to put down anyone whom enjoys and makes a living waiting tables). As I went on my merrily way one day a thought kept coming through my head, at first I blew it off thinking it is as self-talk. The voice continued to speak to me with much authority, and told me that I should begin to tell my fellow waiters and waitresses and anyone else who would listen that I was becoming a great artist and one day they would meet me again and see that It was indeed true, also that I would be selling art all over the world. So I did, convincingly I started telling everyone, "That, I was a Great Artist". This verb age was met with much laughter and the reason being is, first of all I was uneducated in art and didn't even own paints or a paintbrush for that matter.

Turning Inside Out...

As I make my trek through this ever changing world, reconfiguring the "Horizon" of Great Mysteries, the Alchemist turns up the heat, burning the veils of obscurity off layer by layer. The process of letting go over and over burns away the dominating ego, cleanses all the way to the innards to find a golden soul, my ego's expectations and agendas melted away. The fires continue to address past abandonment's, betrayals and judgements of others that I used to hold onto with dear life, why I ask myself now? Was it simpler to be lost in the world of victim hood, blame, self-righteous-indignation? Was I too much of a wimp or chicken to pull myself up by the bootstraps, walk readily and bravely through through the "Fires of Carnal Life" to be rendered like fat off of bacon or plain metal into gold? Funny how we change our minds about what is truly important, these days of unbelievable growth in my spirit man cause me to reconsider marching straight through the Alchemy process, even the pain of burning the dross out of every fiber of my being. It seems to be the only true to ride to an ever unfolding, ever new and exciting plane of consciousness. With latent trust, I surrender to the Mystery once more in this lifetime, open the door to higher knowing, leaving behind the the lower mind's nearsightedness relinquishing myself and letting go of the idea of a victim hood and for all to see without regret the brilliance within me shining like gold from"turning the inside out".

The Dark Night Of The Soul...

As I enter the "dark night of the soul" once again. I realise, I have been here before, loneliness consumes me like a "wild fire", confusion is all around, were am I going, end up? Some sweet, tender voice in my head says to me"Let Go"! Don't struggle with the "Flow", let it take you to greater height's, .."Hold on loosely, but, Don't Let Go". Everything in me says , "Fight", yet the universe says don't." Let go of those things that no longer serve you!" , it beakons me on to what is seemingly is blinded by night. As I learn to be blind, feeling my way through this world, I feel scared, once again, "Alone", will I always feel this way? The question that I ask myself? Or will I find myself in the sweetness of a sunrise of a new day. I say to the universe, let me find myself once more at the end of the rainbow, where the pot of gold of myself lies waiting to be remembered.

Getting Beyond the Words..Metaphors,Learning to Eat Meat and Potatoes...

As a Child, I thought like a child. In the purest, most innocent way, never afraid to ask questions nor look deep into the eyes of the storyteller, whether they be spinning a yarn around a campfire or at Sunday School. With much ardent focus, believing and storing every " literal sense" of the "word" of God or even "Aesop's Fables", I never got the meat and potatoes part at all.

Sin, a New Concept....

What if someone jested with you, the idea that the true meaning of "SIN" is truly just an illusion. What if? Someone were to pull back the "veil "that obscures clarity and were able to change your mind about the reality you are living in now right where you are at, to one much more positive than you could ever imagine? Has your mind expanded enough to grow out of and shed a layer of "Dross" from worn out ideas, the heaviness of guilt and self-recrimination, that we throw upon ourselves on a daily, sometimes minutely basis. What would it feel like? To leave behind the tanned, worn out, hide? Beaten, far too long that it is no longer useful and throw it back to "Mother Earth" and let it return to "Dust" once again, just let it go, return to, from wince it came fortifying "Her" as it should. Are you willing and able to join me a "simple mortal", like all the rest of humanity, no better, no worse in an adventure of "The School of Life"? Come with me as I move to a place of higher knowing. A place of ever expanding, mind altering freedom where there is "Peace" and a sweet release from the earthly plane of consciousness. Take a trip and be filled with the all potential, fragile openness and a deep softening of the energies of "Mystery" that continue to seek me out and as I put it to "pen". I challenge you to take a "Fresh" new look into the possibility that maybe the word "SIN" is simply, innocently, unknowingly "Seeing In Natural" realms. It is high time I began to lay behind me, the outdated, misused verb age that has held me back for many lifetimes. To see that it no longer serves a true purpose in my life's journey through "Alchemy".

"Pan Land" and "The Lost Boys..."

Growing up in very large family, having seven brothers and one sister, you learn to live with others sharing everything from toys, bathrooms, space, chores, tears, laughter, even fists some of the time. My parents actually only "sired" and "birthed" five children of their own, myself being the eldest child. I fell into the role of big sister and sometimes little mother of my siblings, readily and relished in it.

Alchemy's Child....

Alchemy's Child was born on December 7th in the of 1961. On a blustery, winters night as a Nor'easter Storm blew it's wrath, unforgivably. Waves of ice piled upon on one another until the roads were nearly impassible. A young couple drove fervently towards a hospital, a baby doesn't wait even if mother nature is in full tantrum.

Messengers From God...so many forms...

I have a dear friend, I lovingly call my "Hummingbird"! She came into my life most unexpectedly in July of 2007. When we first met, she had an opinion of me based on other peoples opinion's and the ever more famous "Gossip Chain". She was brave enough to share how she felt about me, "A Wild, Un tameable Red Head", at this I laughed and, invited her to join me at my home, eat with my family, visit with an open invitation and form her very own thoughts about me. And that day we began our journey together to find each other out, warts and all. I am Thankful to the "God's" that be, to have opened her heart door, as well as mine in the very same instant, to wipe the slate clean of opinions of others, so we both can enjoy this adventure through life together. She continues to help me see the brighter things in life, more clearly always with a smile on her beautiful, radiant face, bubbling over with sweet innocent joy as she walks in my back door with big hugs and kisses.
Most recently, she held my hand at a funeral, it meant more to me than I could ever begin to express in words. The comfort it gave me, to stand with me and for me in this great sorrow, in front of the very ones who had talked about me was one of the greatest gift's I have ever been given

The Island of Respite...

I have an "Island of Respite", in my very own backyard, I purchased the house I live in, the month of April of 1998. As I searched for a perfect place for my family and I, several things kept coming to mind, "Nature", "Family", "Ease", "Comfort". I knew I would be living in this house and it would be ours, from the very moment I walked into the backyard. The "Secret Garden", beckoned me, to realize the potential future, the place I now call my"pocket sanctuary"

Friday, April 27, 2007

The Great Engima....

Over the years, my views on God have evolved. Being a well "churched" girl, my young fragile openness towards God in my still very small world, I looked in "Awe" at "Him". A funny thing looking back on it now, calling God, "Him". Like a child delights in a scavenger hunt, I continue to take the challenge to play detective, reaching out into the unknown. Having "Foolish Faith", curiosity, uncertainty and yielding in absolute trust, I move forward sometimes with frustration, on the ever expanding definition, that still leaves me in "Awe" of "The Great Enigma". A voice cries out in my mind's eye to let go of the rational mind, be infused with guidence in this to uncover this "mystery"of the human condition.